Timing

Just when I have both the mojo and topic to craft out a proper post - the clock shows 3.13am on a Monday morning.

Rebellious Becca would stay up and keep writing.

But the same Becca has grown up and started weighing responsibilities.

Though emotionally I would love to keep on writing - but rationality asked me to go to bed.


This responsibility thing that comes with being an adult.

Geez.


It is slowly sanding off a lot of my source of happiness.

Promises

I can't even fulfil what I promised to myself haha.

But I miss writing.


Be back in action soon - and hopefully I'll be intoxicated enough to craft out a non-filtered piece of writing.



God bless.

Update

I swear I will be coming back and write.

By this week. When I finally get the chance to sit down and write.


Promise.

Week in Review

I have been wanting to write for the longest time ever.

For once, after so long, that my writing mojo AND the intention to actually sit down and craft out a proper posting is back.

Too bad - it didn't come back in appropriate time.

I never wanna complaint about having too much work; I always think that work can never be too much. You just gotta sit down and clear things off one by one. I feel like if I were to start complaining, that would be the start of me looking for excuses.

And I never like finding excuses.

Irony as it might sound (coz I still find it sounds like an excuse) - but the pile of work did partially contributed to my absence since my last posting.

Now that I've finally gotten some time to write - suddenly all the thoughts and moments that I wanted to jot down got lost in my train of thoughts. Can't even remember why I decided to create this new posting.

Hah.

But if I were asked to force out something to describe/summarise what I wanted to say - I could only describe the trace of feelings that were left in me.

Though it will never go away completely.

Throughout the past week - I was down, I was sad, I felt like nothing good about myself. Slow, not-efficient, draggy and not productive. I doubt myself for my ability. To the point where I had to tell Jojo that I am upset. Which is really rare coz I seldom express my feelings to any else.

Family included.

It was that bad. I felt as though I was by myself - the bad kind of 'by myself' - and I don't know who to fall back to. The feeling of having no support system sucks. So bad that I didn't know what I was doing, except for moving forward.

It was painful.

But thank God - through this pain I saw light and hope.

I wasn't actually 'alone' - I had colleagues that turned friends where I could rely on for a bit when I am too tired.

I wasn't tired by myself - my comrades were with me. I am tired to core - but I had friends who genuinely care for me. There are those who beg me to go home; there are those who stayed with me for dinner before heading home; those who gave me words of encouragement although they are no longer with the company; and there are those who come back just because they wanted to keep me company.

I felt so loved.

And thank to the combined strength, things get better by the end of the week and I thank God for giving me such nice people in my life.

Through the whole ordeal and now that I have time to clear my mind to think - it reminded me of something.

That 1 small negativity can ruin the whole positivism that one could possibly have. That's scary - and the more I should always, always remind myself that negativity can consume everything good about myself. At the same time, remember those who are by your side when you're at your worst.

Thank God I remembered to turn around and imprint those kind faces in my mind.

And I guess with all these people that I have with me, I am ready to go move forward once again.




Just like how Becca always does it. =)

Mojo

You know there's this thing called the blog mojo where you have the constant flow of content and post lining up for your new space that you're excited about.

It should normally occurs within the first few weeks (to even months) from the start you start a new blog, or you know, the random times where you have the urge to blog and will blog several postings in one sitting.

I was one of those people last time where there are just so many things that I can blog about and every single day is a new day with a new interesting topic.

Guess growing up sanded that excitement in me. Instead, out of obligation and responsibility, I blogged.

Which is weird because I kind of feel 'it' when I refreshed my blog and decide to build it from scratch.

Gahh. Might be the work. Might be the weather. Or it might be just me.

Not as open anymore, know a little more, be slightly more cautious and decide to keep certain thing only to me and myself.

Feels like the same old 16-year-old Rebecca but yet so different to the then Rebecca.

Why am I so philosophical out of no reason. Haha.

But then again, it should be like that. Feeling different. Even when you're doing the same thing. That's learning, that's growing up.

Is it good or is it bad? I don't quite know it yet.

Maybe when I am around 30 years old and I read back this posting, I will be like 'pfftt what was I talking about'.

Just like how I judge my 16-year-old self.

Over Again

I think the last time ever that I properly blogged was maybe about 8 years ago.

And that was back in the days where I blog in Chinese.

Had been thinking if I should just, maybe just this once more, revive my long dead blog just for the sake of you know, understand more about my job.

Ok that was bullshit. I wanted to start again because a few close colleague of mine started blogging so I succumb to the peer pressure blergh.

So instead of creating a new one this time, I thought why not just recycle one of my old blogs (out of the gazillion blogs that I have) and start over again by deleting all the posting and revamp it a little.

At least it looks new. Well like how your laptop will feel new again when you reformat it haha.

Alright long enough to make this the first post heh. Time for me to blow dry my hair and sleep.



Hopefully there will be content up soon hehe! =D